Teen Expectations and What They Actually Mean

Time to go off the pill.

Lately, adults think that teenagers or kids think that they know everything, while teenagers or kids think that adults think they know everything. It is pretty confusing, I know. What I'm trying to say is that as teenagers, we never fail to have a conflict with adults, especially with our parents. We fight for what we want and at the same time, our parents fight for what they want for us. In the end, we understand. But sometimes, we do not. Also, the conflict between kids and adults can vary. Not every situation is exactly the same. As for me, I grew up with mostly adults as my company (I have friends who are my age too, just so you know). I guess I would like to talk about the expectations imposed on the younger generation and what they actually mean. They may sound really unfair once you hear it, but once we comprehend a little bit further, they can be almost reasonable. Also these are the  expectations based on my country, so I guess it would be better if I express these so-called expectations in Filipino.

"Wag ka muna makipag-boyfriend/girlfriend." (Don't get a girlfriend/boyfriend yet.)
What it actually means: Enjoy your single life while you still can. Dating may seem like the best thing in the world, when it's not necessarily true. Adults know what its like to date someone and they know what is bad and what is good about it. Basically, they're trying to tell you that there are better things that you can do with your life. But if you firmly believe that love is the most important thing ever, then okay. At least you stand for something. Good luck telling that to your parents, though.
What Parents should say instead: I think discouraging your children not to date only encourages them to date. So if you are a parent of a teenager and you are reading this right now, then I am not surprised if your kid is secretly dating someone behind your back at this very moment (or probably worse than that, may God forbid). Trust me, I know plenty of people my age who are having sexual relations behind their backs, and chances are...your kid could be one of them. So yeah, you cannot force your child not to do something. Because at the end of the day, they will have to do things for themselves. If you really feel strongly against your kid dating, then explain why. Or simply encourage them there is more to life than just dating. That there are so much better things to do than looking for intimacy and the right person.

"Noong panahon ko, di ako masyado lumalabas." (Back in my day, I don't go out that much.)
What it actually means: It's not safe outside, which is very true. The crime rates around my place gets higher and higher as each day passes by, and it is scary. Whenever you go out, you never what could possibly happen to you. If your folks tell you this, then it simply means that they are just very concerned with your security.
What Parents should say instead: There's a difference between not allowing your kid outside and telling them that going out is simply a bad thing. In my country, this is considered as a way to discourage kids from going out and getting into trouble. When you are a person who goes out almost everyday, then the immediate first impressions would somehow involves you with sex, drugs, alcohol, partying, hainging out with bad company, or something that is just not good. I mean, it's okay to tell them that they can't go out because you say so, but implying that it's a bad thing is a different story altogether. Going out is not a bad thing, because as adults, it is something that you do that almost everyday too.

"Mag-aral ka nang mabuti." (Study hard)
What it actually means: Your parents want you to have a great life. They believe that education is the best way to give you that, because a diploma automatically means you have a chance to get a stable job...at least that's how it goes in my country. I don't think that's a bad thing, though. Finishing school may be a drag, but it's not necessarily the worst chapter of your life (unless you decide it is). If you are starting to think for yourself and having an opinion about something, then I guess those endless hours of school was not a complete waste of time for you at all; as long as you learned something because of school--may it be about yourself or about the substance of water--then education is important and you should cherish it. Otherwise, you wouldn't be answering back at your parents when it comes to fighting for something you want.
What Parents should say instead: Tell your kids to simply learn. Studying and learning are two different things. Based on my experience, I believe learning is so much better because I can apply it to my life not like some random complicated math formula. I'm not saying that you should stop bringing your kids to school (but then again, that's always your choice), because like I said earlier, bringing them out is not a bad thing.

"Bawal ka uminom, magparty, maningarilyo, magtalik, o magdroga. Conservative dapat." (Don't drink, party, don't smoke, don't have sex, don't take drugs. Be conservative.)
What it actually means: Don't waste your life on something that seems normal and cool, when in reality it is not worth it. Heck, I don't think you guys will bother to buy this because we live in a world where we are encouraged to do things that we want to do. I don't know what's everyone stand on vices, but it varies. In the perspective of your parents, always remember that they want what's best for you. So if your parents discourage from doing any of these, then don't feel bad only because you have friends with more permissive parents. They don't want you to have any vice, simply because they don't want you to be like other people. They want you to be yourself and you certainly do not need to drink or have sex to define yourself and your life. (I can feel someone disagreeing so strongly with this...)
What Parents should say instead: It's kind of like the whole dating thing; you can't completely deprive someone of doing something. Again, I have friends who do these things behind their parents back. So I guess it is safe to say that many kids are doing things behind their parents' backs. It's a given that you have to explain the extent of these things, but that's the best you can do. Eventually, it is up to your kids if they want to do these things or not. You can never impose that they should be conservative. If you don't want them to do certain things, then never tell them to be themselves. But if you want your kids to learn and be themselves, then don't tell them to be conservative.

Kids...Teens...if you are reading this, I want you to know a few things:
It's ok to make mistakes If you end up disobeying or screwing up (which happens all the time), then don't worry about it too much. You can sulk about it, but don't let it define your life. Learn from them and turn it into something good.
You can talk to your parents Don't be afraid. Why? Because they're the first people to love you. No matter how terrible your fights get, their love for you will never die. Sure, talking to your friends seem easier because they're good listeners, but there's no guarantee if what they're going to tell you is right. Basically, we're all young people trying to be mature and maybe our parents can help you with that.
Adults are not the bad guys, but they are not the alpha or the omega They're just people. They can also make mistakes and they have flaws. Don't expect them to be perfect, because they are not. Don't expect them to be assholes either, because they are not. Everyone is an asshole in their own way, so I don't think putting them down like that would make you a better person.

Parents if you are reading this, I also want you to know a few things:
Don't make your kids feel like the bad guys I remember watching this Youtube video once, and it was about drinking. There was this teenage who got drunk one night, so drunk she could not go home on her car. What made her upset was the fact that she could not call her parents for help, because she was afraid that her parents will judge her badly. Now what if that was your kid? I know many people, who can probably relate to this girl. Let your kids know that their behavior is bad, and not them as a person.
Let them know you can be a best friend too First off, you guys are--no offense--old. You've probably been through a lot of stuff, which makes you more qualified to help your kids with whatever problems they have. When your child screws up, tell them, "It's okay! I've been there, and here's what I did with the situation." Simple as that. It's okay to be authoritative, but it doesn't hurt to loosen the reins on certain areas, especially when your child finally turns into a teenager.
Don't belittle your children's problems Always remember that they don't have the same mind as you, in spite of genetics. You will probably see your kid's problem in a different- way-- don't do that. Try to put yourselves in your kids' shoes. It may not be an issue for you, but it is an issue for them. Understand what they're at, then that's when you starting advising.

For both parties I tell you...

Don't deal with each other. Understand each other. Be with each other. Love each other. You're a family, not random strangers under the same roof.

I feel so strongly about this because, our world has slowly become a place where it is okay to defy anyone; even our own parents. Basically, we're losing the definition of the word respect, even when it is being used all over the place. We demand it from our parents, we demand it from our teachers, we demand it from people we hate, we demand it from everyone. We keep demanding so much of it to the point, we forget that the whole point of respect is to respect someone first. But no, that's not how it is done anymore. It always has to be about us. Regardless of how badly we were treated or how big our problems were, we end up attacking everyone just to prove that we deserve all the goodness and the rights in this world. And this attack is affecting everybody. As in, everybody. I hope that one day, we would just start being nice with each other. Now this is one collective effort, I might say. Call this wishful thinking, but if we just stick to the simple and good stuff, then maybe we can be more satisfied, be more happy, more content, and eventually more merciful to this planet. I think.